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EastEnders, BBC1
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She's probably the prettiest girl in Albert Square, so we can't for the life of us work out why Dawn's having a secret affair with fat, balding alcoholic Phil. Having already enjoyed a full service from the garage boss, Dawn's bodywork is about to get another inspection in the Queen Vic. Unfortunately, the lovers are about to get a nasty shock when Dawn's boyfriend Garry arrives at the pub unexpectedly. As Dawn cowers behind a door, clad only in her undies, Garry ends up sharing his relationship woes with Phil.
In other news, scheming Archie Mitchell returns like the proverbial bad penny. Peggy makes the shock discovery when her temperamental burglar alarm goes off. She rushes to switch it off and is stunned to see her ex at the foot of the stairs.
The villain claims he wants to make amends, but Peggy's having none of it and warns him to scarper before Phil sees him. Unfortunately for her, Archie has rented a house in the Square and has no intention of going anywhere.
Elsewhere, the mystery of who impregnated Heather is still unsolved. Convinced that Minty's to blame, Shirley tries to punch him in the Vic. "Just leave him alone," Heather blurts out. "Minty's not the father." That's one name we can cross off our list then.
Also this week
Bradley hunts for a new job. (Mon)
Peggy and Pat discuss plastic surgery. (Tue)
Jordan goes missing. (Fri)
Picture: BBC